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Barry Dore

21 April 2025

 

Time, choice, community and a Black & Decker Workmate.

 

One of the biggest benefits of reaching my time of life is that I’ve got a lot more time to think. Time is such a valuable commodity, it ticks away, we don’t possess the ability to slow it down and as we get older it becomes increasingly precious.

 

Time is finite, it shapes every aspect of our lives in and out of work, and we constantly feel we have too little of it, leading to frustration, anxiety and stress.

 

Time is finite, and eventually it runs out for everybody, which, at my age, makes it even more precious.

 

People are always asking me if I have retired, a question I find confusing.  I think retirement is an outdated concept.  Life has changed so much. Back in the day when my dad retired after many years working for the Post Office he got his Black & Decker Workmate as a parting gift from the company and never looked back. He transitioned overnight from working every week years for close on fifty years of having nothing to do each day. He and my mum loved it, spending many days tootling round the Lancashire coastline.

 

Incidentally I have harbored grudge for many years against one of my dad's old neighbours. Dad was moving into a care home and I had my eyes firmly fixed on the aforementioned Black & Decker Workmate. I pictured myself carrying out extensive DIY projects with the skill of a Master Craftsman while Jakkie looked on in admiration. It was not to be, as soon as I got back from moving dad I headed for the garage to find it gone. Further investigation confirmed that the neighbour had taken it in the half hour I was out of sight. To my protestations he assured me dad had promised it to him only the day before. In a single moment my dreams of DIY stardom were dashed.

 

I digress. I think more and more now we can choose how and when we stop working and gradually diversify into other activities over a period of time. I've really enjoyed doing this over the past couple of years. I now have a portfolio of things I call work, including mentoring, coaching, running a leadership community, to volunteering at a retirement home, finishing my second novel, a book club, organising reunions and running an aspiring authors group. I have to work hard at keeping the balance to spend time with family and friends, and of course moving house, but it's lovely to feel in control, doing what I want to do. 

 

I mentioned at the beginning that I have also had more time to think. It has enabled me to focus on what I'm trying to achieve with my ongoing leadership work and how this remains a lifelong passion.

 

I've tried to bring absolute clarity to it (practicing what I preach!) It has two strands as follows.

 

It's first trying to inspire and enable leaders everywhere at all levels, at work and outside work, to understand and practice authentic leadership. I'm convinced this is the only way to effectively lead anywhere and replaces the outdated concept of autocratic leadership. I continue to want to do all I can teach the concept, build understanding and make the leap. The joy of it is I rarely come across anyone who disagrees the concept, then it all becomes about helping them to apply the traits set out in ‘Lead Like Mary.’ In the 25 years I've been running my leadership business I've seen a real shift from autocratic to authentic leadership. I've played a very, very small part in that transition but I'm proud of what I have done.

 

My second leadership book, however, moves things onto a different plane. The premise of ‘Lead! Finding your voice in a chaotic world.’ is that becoming an authentic leader is truly important but it's about much more than that. It's about finding your voice and, by focusing on clear goals, dreams and ambitions, makes a true difference to the world around you by delivering sustainable change. We can't change the whole world ourselves but if we stretch and find our voice, we can change the world around us. People have so much potential, it's about realising we have that potential and not wasting it.

 

‘Lead!’ is written with the intention of inspiring and enabling you to do just that. It speaks about the world being increasingly chaotic (and since it was published two years ago it's got far worse), revisits ‘Lead Like Mary,’ and shares four stories of people who have delivered that change and continue to do so. It then sets out a route map to follow to assist people to identify the change they wanted to deliver, and to both find and amplify their voice to make this change a reality.

 

Over the next few weeks I'll set out that framework and route map as part of these blogs. The sales pitch inevitably follows. If you would like a copy of ‘Lead!’ look no further than Amazon. The book contains a lot of exercises to assist and enable people to make the journey and would be an ideal resource to accompany these forthcoming blogs. 

 

Sales pitch over!

 

 

I have an exciting new venture on the way. My friend Irene and I have decided to launch a podcast in the summer focusing on Fradswell and its wonderful community (it's ironic that this is the moment Jakkie and I are moving, but it does enable me to stay in touch) together with an exploration of the importance of communities everywhere. Irene and I previously presented separate radio shows and I'm looking forward to working together on the new podcast. There are 2 million podcasts available in the UK every day so it's unlikely to rise to the top of the tree but I do think it'll be some fun focusing on our local village and I'm looking forward to wider exploration of community.

 

When we launch I’ll share it with you. Those DIY projects may have passed me by (yes I still bear the grudge) but actually podcasts, blogs and authors groups or a lot more exciting.

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​Barry Dore

14 April 2025

 

A surprising addition to authentic leaders and a surprise party.  A week full of surprises.

 

I recently read, on-line at the BBC, an in-depth article on management.  Two experts, one coming from an academic background and one from hands on experience, reached the same conclusion on the most important characteristic of great managers. Coming from different directions they both used the same word, authenticity.

 

‘A key construct in management is trust,’ said the academic, ‘do you trust your manager?  If you trust what they suggest you should do, you’re then more likely to work harder. The harder you work, the better you’re likely to perform.’

 

I suspect you’re not remotely surprised by this, most of the readers of my blog are well versed in ‘Lead Like Mary’ and are bought in to the principle of authenticity. I certainly wasn’t surprised, until I realised which managers the ‘experts’ were referring to.  This wasn’t on the BBC news pages, but rather an article on BBC Sport, these managers were football club managers.

 

Now I have to admit I had never regarded football managers as being particularly authentic.  When I watch them prowling the technical area, tearing strips off the fourth official, I see a load of Bills.  Fergie delivering his famous ‘hairdryer treatment’ to the boy Beckham does not immediately pull up a picture of an authentic manager. The description of Bill in ‘Lead Like Mary’ as being autocratic, high in ego, low in humility, shouting, demanding, at times bullying, was my stereotypical picture.

 

 

But wait a moment, think about this more deeply. There’s an increasing trend in football away from the term ‘manager’ to ‘head coach.’  This describes the role far more accurately. There are a host of managers in top football clubs these days, including directors of football and chief executives. Much more important than that, the move from being an autocratic manager to being an authentic leader involves a shift from boss to coach.

 

 

But it goes a lot deeper than that.  The job of a head coach is about coaching, which makes sense, but it’s about far more as well.  Top clubs have a host of coaches covering every aspect of the game from fitness to tactics, defending and attacking set pieces, even throw ins, apparently.  The head coach can leave a lot of that stuff to the experts in their team. The crucial element for the head coach is to get to know each squad member as a unique individual, to look after them (many are just kids still, earning serious money and must be susceptible to so many external forces be it social media, gambling or people looking to make a quick buck on the shirt tails of a rising star.)

 

Getting to know each member of your team and to treat them as individuals is fundamental to any organisation, and football clubs are a great example.  It’s what authentic leaders do everywhere.

 

If you want to enjoy a fictional example of an authentic leader in action in a football setting, look no further than the magnificent series ‘Ted Lasso,’ on Apple TV. Ted arrives from a minor league American Football team in Kentucky to be head coach of a struggling Premiership club, recruited by an owner who wants to ruin the club.  It’s a comedy, poignant in parts.  The series would be a great resource to demonstrate authentic leadership in action.

 

So there you go, I may well have been unfair in regarding football managers as autocratic Bills.  People like Pep Guardiola, Arne Slot and Unai Emery are highly intelligent and think deeply about every aspect of the game.  They are committed to getting the best from every team member and understand the direct link between individual performance and team  results.

 

Those are deeply embedded principles of authentic leadership everywhere.

 

 

I must tell you about our wonderful evening last Friday.  It was the monthly pop up bar in our village hall and we were looking forward to a quiet drink with friends.  We were late getting there, primarily because daughter Victoria insisted on putting make up on first. I would soon learn this was subterfuge executed with military precision.

 

We walked through the door straight into a room full of people who burst into applause. A leaving party had been organised by our friends and most of the village were there. It was a genuine shock especially when we realised it had been months in the planning.

 

They had bought us a beautiful bench for our new garden.  I’m very lucky, this was my second bench, I was given one for my 60th birthday, which stands proudly outside the village hall in our serenity garden.  I realised then I was the only person I knew who had been given

A bench with a plaque while still alive, now I have two!

 

So our quiet night turned into a pretty raucous one, it was also truly emotional, Fradswell is a welcoming, inclusive, special community and it’s been a joy to have been part of it.

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Barry Dore

7 April 2025

 

An invite to chat, Choppy Waters gets serious and a new local beckons.

 

Being a leader can be a very lonely existence.  CEOs of organisations, be they companies, charities or public bodies, can feel vulnerable, particularly when times are hard or there are difficult decisions to make.  In larger companies, a CEO can be responsible for often hundreds, even thousands of people, a responsibility that will lie heavy on their shoulders. Decisions that must be taken will almost certainly impact on real lives, on the livelihoods, families, hopes, dreams and fears of so many people.

 

Truly authentic leaders will feel particularly lonely.  Their degree of empathy and emotional intelligence, their commitment serving others, makes that decision taking very challenging. That doesn’t stop them of course, they steel themselves, determined to do the right thing in the right way, but that doesn’t make it any less lonely.

 

This doesn't mean they are not surrounded by people. Their direct reports will be there, the chair of the board or trustees, consultants and advisors, but ultimately the buck stops with them.

 

Leaders, of course, can exist anywhere in organisations or indeed in the community. Whether they are leading a team, running a project or taking part in a community endeavour, the same feeling of loneliness can be there.

 

I recognized this a number of years ago when I put together a group of young leaders, bursting with potential, early in their professional careers. This was a remarkably talented group, but not yet confident or experienced enough in so many aspects of leadership. I recognized they needed ongoing support, and was glad to provide that, but also I was well aware of the value and strength of peer support. So we set up an online discussion forum which proved to be invaluable.

 

A few years later, alongside the publication of ‘Lead! Finding Your Voice in a Chaotic World,’ I sought to reconstitute a leadership forum, called ‘Lead Community.’  Initial engagement was high, 300 members signed up, but levels of activity fell right away.  This was primarily my fault, I devoted insufficient time to keeping it live and neglected to invite new people I worked with.  I have now advised members that it will close at the end of March.

 

In a way that set back was inevitable. The group was far too large, and if participating is not front of mind for a number of people (they have got work to do and lives to lead without contributing to an on-line forum every day!) it will not be long before the group becomes less visible to them.

 

Nevertheless I am convinced enough about the principle to have another go with a fresh group. It’s going to be called ‘Lead Community 2.0’.  You can pay good money to get originality and creativity like that!

 

I have drafted some terms of reference as follows:

 

A cohort of like-minded authentic leaders who are familiar with, model and champion my leadership thinking and materials

 

An opportunity to share leadership issues and challenges in a safe and supportive environment

 

A place to share leadership opportunities,  successes, materials, thoughts, articles and books.

 

An opportunity to present leadership insights in a workshop session

 

A place to collect the skills and tools needed to inspire, enable, teach, coach and mentor others

 

Build relationships and alliances with other group members, to provide ongoing mutual support, and coaching or mentoring opportunities

 

Create an on-line resource of my and others material and models, available to all

 

Explore and discover innovative and creative ways to continue teaching Lead Like Mary and Lead! after I have stepped back, keeping the material alive and creating a legacy.

 

A trial run of the group, with 20 members, is currently being established. That trial will run for about two months, and if participants believe it adds value, I will open it up to others who wish to take part. If that includes you let me know or watch this space.

 

 

After a gap of around four months, which I had planned, I have now returned to the completed first draft of ‘Choppy Waters’, my follow up novel to ‘The Lobster Pot Café.’

 

What I have to do now is to go right back through the manuscript, and critically study it paragraph by paragraph with the view to improving each part. This will include removing sections that no longer seem necessary, in order to reduce the word count, improving other sections and keeping an eye open for spelling and grammatical errors, although that final bit is not crucial at this stage as proofreading will follow.

 

I found with each of my previous books that this stage is the hardest of all, definitely harder than writing the first draft. I've completed one chapter so far and lost count of the times I re-drafted single sentences and paragraphs they flowed better. I'm going to get on with it though, it's a process that has to be done and I know at the moment a lot of the writing is nowhere near good enough. I remain focused on publishing the book in September (this year!). I'm hoping to catch the end of the season in Aberdovey, and then still ahead of me I’ll have Christmas present opportunities and then a whole new season by the sea from Easter next year.

 

Victoria will arrange for the book to be published, and I needed to hold back to enable her to finish project managing our new home before she turned her attention to my book. She certainly has multiple levels of talent.

 

 

One of the best things about getting ready to move house is exploring the new area. It's certainly very different, when I was mowing the grass at our current house earlier today, looking around me I could see miles upon miles of countryside, which I will miss immensely when we move into Stafford. Conversely we will at last after 25 years be able to walk to a local pub. This is great news indeed! And it looks like a great pub too. It's called the Staffordshire Bull, inevitably shortened to The Bull.  We've checked it out half a dozen times already (which you have to of course), it has live music and quiz nights and you can take your own food in, which seems a pretty good deal to me. The theme of the live music appears to be 60s and 70s which suits us both down to the ground.

 

 In fact, writing this on a beautiful Sunday afternoon I'm seriously tempted to pop over there now. Good times ahead!

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Barry Dore

31 March 2025

 

No room in the theatre for Emojis, literary dilemmas, rowing the Atlantic and a situation in Scarborough.

 

 

 I guess all of us, to a greater of lesser extent are into social media. Over the years I’ve found that, used properly, it’s a great way of staying in touch with family and friends.  I am also a member, and usually the admin of a whole number of groups, including our village community hub, book club, reunion groups with old university and work friends in my life outside work, and various client and programme groups in my professional life.

 

What’s App is a great way of keeping in touch, often daily, with family and friends. These are light-hearted groups where we pass information on, post emojis, generally have a positive, congratulatory feel about them, and are not worried about security.

 

But we’re not bombing Yemen.

 

I have found the events of the last few days extraordinary.  A group of powerful men, in jobs at the very heart of Trump’s inner circle, messaging and congratulating each other on what’s meant to be a secure platform, on a successful result, as if they were discussing that final- seconds buzzer-beater as the Bulls stunned the Lakers.

 

We hear that VP JD Vance is praying for victory, the National Security Adviser confirms the  building has collapsed, and they have positively identified their top target, who wandered into his girlfriend’s building just before it was destroyed.

 

Cue the use of emojis by the aforesaid NSA, the fist bump, the US flag and a flame, followed by a round of congratulations.  Emojis for goodness sake, you’re killing people in this theatre, not commenting on a new play.

 

It’s not the inclusion of a journalist that bothers me here, it’s the almost puerile one of the chat and the apparent complete disregard for human life.

 

It reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite ever movies, The American President, starring Michael Douglas and Annete Bening. The President, Andrew Shepherd, reluctantly gives the order to attack Libya’s intelligence headquarters as proportional response to the bombing of a US missile defence system in Israel.

 

Later, in the Oval Office, his Deputy Chief of Staff, congratulates him on his Presidential action.

 

Shepherd responds, ‘somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor’s working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence Headquarters.  He’s going about doing his job because he has no idea in about an hour he’s going to die in a massive explosion. He’s just going about his job because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You’ve just seen me do the least Presidential thing I do.’

 

 

Anyway, enough of that. I haven’t brought you up to date with our forthcoming house move recently. It’s happening in 30 days!  I’ve got this thing where I want the first night in the new place to be waking up on 1stMay.  That always is a special day to me, it feels like the first day of summer.

 

The biggest challenge continues to be the downsizing.  We’re moving somewhere one third the size of our current home with very limited storage (we pinched the garage as part of creating a downstairs master bedroom.)  The problem is that over the last 28 years in Fradswell we’ve expanded into the available space. At one point we had a storage shed built outside. Within a week Jakkie had filled it. It’s extraordinary just how many party packs, wreaths, decorations and fancy dress this girl needs!

 

My problem is books, which fill our home and which I love. I’ll be lucky if I get one small bookcase.  How do I choose 10-20 cricket books from a collection of over 100?  At least my Wisden collection is safe, I’ve managed to negotiate shelves in the guest cloakroom. 

 

The same is the case with my collection of books on leadership.

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Finally, how do I choose between Sebastian Faulks and Bill Bryson, who gets the nod between Tony Blair’s and John Major’s autobiographies, Morocco or the Nile in Rough Guides, or Harry Potter versus Enid Blyton? 

 

Thank goodness for Kindle!

 

Joking apart, downsizing is a nice problem to have. It really is cathartic. Just about all of us have stuff we don’t and never will need, and we’ve loved selling odd pieces of furniture to friends and neighbours, and making frequent charity shop trips, while Bazza’s Bargain Bazaar has been a major attraction at village coffee mornings!

 

 

While we were in Lanzarote at the end of January we happened across a plethora of activity in the marina at Playa Blanca. An event called Atlantic Dash was preparing to depart. I almost said ‘set sail’ then but that would be entirely inaccurate.  Four boats were going to row (yes row, no sails or engine) across the vast Atlantic Ocean from Lanzarote to Antigua, a small matter of around 3,000 miles.

 

We got talking to some of the participants and members of the support teams. The crew of each boat ranged from 4 people to a solo competitor, they were each making a final check

of their equipment and supplies, which were all laid out neatly on the quayside. We learned hoe crucial this checking and double checking was, once they were on the ocean, if they had forgotten something, however vital, they were on their own.

 

After a couple of frustrating days waiting for the weather clear they were off, cheered out of the marina by family, friends and holiday makers. We returned home to find coverage of the event was non-existent on mainstream media. Daily updates on progress were, however, posted on Facebook by the organisers, together with video clips, photos and commentary from each crew.

 

It has been impossible for me to fully appreciate what a challenging undertaking this event was and how extraordinary the participants were to keep rowing day and night battling the elements, waves that engulfed their boats and threated to capsize them, winds that pushed  them  off course and on one occasion drove them backwards and blistering heat that was almost unbearable with no shade, all this in a boat about the size of two sofas pushed end to end and nowhere near as comfortable.

 

They made it! Halfway through last week they arrived in Antigua within a day or so of each other after 53 days at sea. To me that is an extraordinary achievement. Why do people take on these challenges?  Those that do, say it's because they are there, or they want to prove themselves.

 

I do have some understanding of how tough that Atlantic crossing must have been. I once got marooned on my swan pedal boat on Peasholm lake in Scarborough having run out of pedal power after a particularly grueling crossing. For some reason Jakkie and the kids, sat in the back, seemed to find it highly amusing. I have no idea why.