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Leadership & Life

Barry Dore

24 March 2025

Mary’s ten steps to transformational team leadership

I’m conscious we left things hanging in the air last week as we searched the tool box of leading your team for more productive and effective tools than a sledgehammer. So today let’s dip back into that toolbox and find what we need to help us build and lead highly effective teams who deliver transformational performance and results.

Dig deep and find a plane, a small hammer and a can of WD40. We’ll come back to these later. Incidentally my family will be amazed that I am dipping into the world of tools. My track record at DIY is abysmal, consisting primarily of sloping shelves, collapsing chairs and fused lights. I once tried to erect a flat packed IKEA bookcase. The instructions told me it would only take 30 minutes. 45 minutes in I was still trying to open the box!

I’m going to introduce you to ‘Mary’s ten steps to transformational team leadership.’ I’m afraid you are in for another bout of common sense. But remember, common sense is not the same as common practice.

Let’s leap straight in. I’m only going to give you a broadbrush overview here or this is going to end up a 10,000 word blog. I can feel a new book coming on!

Step 1: From Boss to Coach

It may seem a strange place to begin, but to me this is an absolute given. Consider the alternatives. Remember Bill and Sidney from ‘Lead Like Mary? ‘

Bill is a Command and Control leader who believes the only way to lead a team is by being the boss, telling people what to do, clamping down on each and every mistake, micro-managing, taking the credit for a job well done by a member of his team, and in the case of more extreme Bill’s, yelling, undermining, ridiculing, even bullying.

Telling and yelling, it’s not a promising combination. Problem is Bill knows no other way to lead. Command & Control is all he’s ever experienced. He thinks he’s doing alright, if he shouts loud enough his people jump. But any improvements in results are short lived in what is often a toxic atmosphere.

What about having Sidney as a boss? Certainly not threatening, unlike Bill. Our Sidney is an affable chap. Problem is nothing moves forward, Sidney never takes a decision. There is no direction, no feedback, no effective1-1s. Sidney either micromanages you or ignores you. This could enable you to get on with things, but it still feels exposed and unsupported.

Sidney never has a difficult conversation. Issues remain unaddressed and unresolved. Good people watch in horror as poor performance is ignored. The whole experience is just so frustrating.

I truly don’t believe that either a Command and Control boss like Bill or vacuous Sidney can effectively lead their teams to transformational improvements in performance and results.

The most important difference between Bill and Mary is the move from Boss to Coach. Mary understands that people perform so much better when they are encouraged, supported, guided, and praised whenever it is deserved. She strives to create a positive, high- performance culture, where her people are encouraged to have fun whatever their role. She deeply cares about her people and wants to help them become the best version of themselves.

It feels like it might be an easy ride working for Mary. That is absolutely not the case. Mary is determined to raise performance and deliver results, providing they are the right results delivered in the right way. She also will not allow poor performance and whenever she has a people issue she will act. She doesn’t enjoy difficult conversations, but she knows that an issue ignored does not go away. She holds her people accountable, while practicing joint accountability.

I truly believe that only authentic leaders can deliver transformational team performance.

Step 2: Get to know each person as a unique individual

How well do you know your people? I mean really know. Not just their name and role but their hopes, fears, ambitions, strengths, weaknesses, frustrations and dreams. What they want to achieve in their professional lives and some of their personal goals.

This enables you to get the best out of any individual, to understand when issues outside work might be impacting on their performance, to shape a development plan, to understand how motivated they are by praise and to shape a plan.

There are many ways to get to know your people- during the recruitment process, by ensuring 1-1’s have an informal element built in, social events (in my experience you can’t beat ten pin bowling), team building activities, away days and water cooler chats. Set aside a few minutes at the beginning of team meetings to share something like a favourite book, film or song.

A word of warning. Keep recognising that every individual is unique. Some will open up on their personal lives very easily, others may want to keep work and home lives separate. Push a little but there’s a line not to cross.

Step 3: Build a common purpose

What people want from their working lives has changed so much over the years. My generation, known as ‘baby boomers,’ sought stability. We wanted a secure, steady job we could do for up to 50 years, before retiring with our gold watch and joining the golf club or disappearing into our garden shed. Work was a means to an end.

Not so today, when your team will almost certainly include ‘Millennials’ (born between 1981 & 1996) and ‘Gen Z’ (1997-2010). Their expectations are very different. They want to work for organisations with a clear purpose, ones who are engaged in meaningful work which makes a difference. In a team they want to be trusted, encouraged to come up with their own ideas, allowed to get on with their work and not micromanaged. You can see why Bill cannot manage Millennials and Gen Z.

Your challenge is to create the conditions that enable these people to perform at the top of their game, to ensure your organisation’s purpose is clearly and compellingly communicated, and that you create a team purpose which gets them out of bed in the morning.

Finally be aware that ‘Gen Alpha’ are coming over the hill. Born since 2010 they are the first generation to be entirely digitally native and are highly tech savvy. Best get learning!

Step 4: Demonstrate and build trust

Possibly the most important component of any highly effective team is a high level of mutual trust. When trust is high things just get done. So much of a culture of always checking up disappears, micromanagement is not necessary. People feel safe, more inclined to take evaluated risks, willing to take more responsibility. They are not constantly looking over their shoulders, worrying about being let down or undermined, they know they will not be asked to take on things where the risk is too high. A high level of trust makes coming to work and engaging with colleagues far more enjoyable.

If you inherit a new team, in a new organisation or internally, you are unlikely to know how high the level of trust is. Ask the right questions, individually or to the whole team, to build up a picture. You may discover trust is low due to issues with their previous manager. They may well be badly bruised from the experience. Gaining trust takes a while, you cannot demand it, it has to be earned. It begins with you demonstrating trustworthiness, keeping confidences, doing what you say you are going to do, having your team’s back, being consistent. Slowly, over time, you can build trust.

Many people will already be confident high levels of trust exist in their teams. Check it out, discuss it at a team meeting, ask for examples of high and low trust, score it.

Step 5: Ensure absolute clarity

Fans of ‘Lead Like Mary’ will be very familiar with this one, I’ve banged more drums about the essential need for clarity than the Massed Bands of the Grenadier Guards. Every conversation I have with clients comes back to the same issue. Out there are millions of people who really want to do a good job. Why wouldn’t you? They strive to do deliver but time and time again they are knocked off course through a lack of clarity.

I believe, alongside being too bussy, it’s the number one issue which gets in the way of building effectiveness.

Whenever I ask why it happens I get the stock answer of ‘poor communications.’ Dig a little deeper and reasons emerge. Conflicting priorities, no opportunity to seek guidance from their manager, uncertain what their truly important things are, no feedback, too many priorities.

As ever, once you understand the importance of this issue, solutions should be simple. However I rarely seem to come across a team where it is really sorted. Those solutions are there, including 1-1 briefings as often as necessary, regular discussions on job purpose and most important things, push backs from team members, less e-mails, monitoring and reducing the constant demands on your people from other parts of the organisations, regular measurement and review, asking team members to present to you their understanding of their most important things, and championing simplicity above complexity.

Implement these solutions, really crack this one and I guarantee you a step change in efficiency, effectiveness and results.

Step 6: Build engagement

I’m going to move quickly through this one because it’s well covered in ‘Lead Like Mary.’ At the heart of a high-performance culture are a team of people who are fully engaged. Now engaged sounds a little like management speak. Checking its meaning on-line has not been helpful. I believe when someone is engaged they are interested, feel part of something, want to be involved, are excited.

How do you build levels of engagement? Partly, as we have already explored, by getting to know your teams as unique individuals and finding out what it is that most engages each person. You could also discuss at a team meeting, the problem is that it’s a very vague concept without structure.

‘Lead Like Mary’ tackles this by providing that structure and suggesting that there are four levels at which we can achieve engagement- body, heart, mind and spirit. It goes on to list the various elements that come under each heading. For example:

Engaging the body is the entry point, full of basics like an acceptable wage, a safe working environment and the basic tools and skills needed to do the job.

Engaging the heart encompasses praise and recognition, being part of a team, having some fun at work and social activities.

Engaging the mind takes us to a new level. This is where we feel we are being listened to, encouraged to come up with ideas, given more freedom, create individual development plans and are given more responsibility.

Engaging the spirit is the highest form of engagement. Now we feel we are going worthwhile work, that we are part of a meaningful purpose, that we are making a difference. We see people around us demonstrating the team’s or organisation’s values in their everyday actions and behaviours.

The opportunity here is to build engagement amongst your people by using this framework to enable clarity and encourage discussion.

Step 7: Bus, matrix, action!

The focus so far has been on building a truly effective team. The focus has been on getting to know your people, building trust, identifying purpose, providing clarity and building engagement. But pause for a moment, have you got the right people on your bus? Are all team up for the journey? Who might be on the wrong bus?

The analogy is old and well tested. Imagine the bus, you are in the driver’s seat about to get underway, focused on that future destination of a transformational leap forward in performance and results. At the front of the bus are your stars, they want to be on this journey with you. The middle seats are taken up by those members who may well move forward with enough encouragement and support. Now look towards the back, here we have people struggling for a whole number of reasons. At worst you may just have an assassin, someone who is disruptive, not a team player, causing issues with their cynicism and disruptive behaviour.

Now go one stage further. Use the Performance & Behaviour matrix described in ‘Lead Like Mary.’ This framework, used as a desk-based exercise, enables you to clearly identify where each of your team currently lies. Armed with this information, supported by evidence, you can really focus and tailor your interventions and actions. You can ensure you nurture your best performers and most positive people, address mediocrity and tackle poor performers and negative disruptors, creating action plans for every individual.

Step 8: Never duck a difficult conversation

Providing, of course, that you are up for having difficult conversations. Time and time again I come across managers who simply ignore people issues, hoping with blind optimism they will go away. They almost never do.

I’m certainly not suggesting you should enjoy these conversations. Only Bill does that, Mary can have a sleepless night before that conversation, but she never ducks them. Sometimes people just have to leave our bus. Never ignore that, always do the right thing in the right way. I have seen so many examples where the first conversation is the hardest, where after honest, respectful but determined engagement things do move forward, and people leave buses a a bus stop rather than being thrown from the top deck.

Step 9: Truly effective 1-1s

Countless people I work with know my abso9lute belief that the 1-1 meeting is the most important element of leading a team. This is the regular scheduled sit down between you and each member. They enable you both to step away from the day to day, a chance for you to get to know this unique individual, to overview performance (not tick off the daily action plan), to focus on the big picture, the future, on development, values and behaviours.

I have met with senior leadership teams who assure me these sessions take place throughout their organisations. Working with their mangers it does not take long to understand the reality. 1-1s are sporadic, frequently cancelled at the last moment because something important has come up, or are simply an opportunity to deal with the day to day stuff.

Trust me on this one, if you want to undergo the journey to transformational breakthrough in team performance and results, regular, scheduled 1-1s are essential. Inevitably there’s much more on this in ‘Lead Like Mary.’

Step 10: Party Time!

I really do believe in the importance of teams celebrating success together. The best teams I know do just that. I know there are barriers to making this happen. So many teams are remote meetly based or work from home, they can be spread all over the country, even the world. So be creative, do things on-line, find a way (and a budget) to get together even once a year. Your people are undertaking serious work, but that should never prevent having fun together. Use your imagination, always remember that happy cows produce better milk.

Final thoughts

You may feel these steps are only relevant if you have inherited a new team with an internal promotion or reorganisation, or when starting a new job. Not so. If you already lead a team you could begin this process today. It’s never too late to begin anew. As an authentic leader you’ll already be somewhere along the line with each of these steps. Score yourself out of 10 for each step. Better still ask your team to score you and provide feedback.

What about those tools you selected from the toolbox? A plane to shape people, smooth out their edges, a small hammer for use in difficult conversations, and WD40 to enable continual support for your team whenever something needs fixing.

I reckon it beats chainsaws and sledgehammers any day.

***

Barry Dore

17 March 2025

Chain saws, sledgehammers and swords.

Our PM is certainly putting himself about at the moment. If he’s not in Washington glad handing Trump, he’s in Europe acting as a go between the US and the EU or seeking unity across the EU (which is somewhat ironic) as he seeks to build a coalition of the willing.

Back home, jacket and tie off, he appears to have adopted a ‘Musk Lite’ approach, without the chain saw. Having first described the Civil Service as a flabby, unfocussed over-cautious bureaucracy, he moved on to NHS England, abolishing it and putting 13,000 jobs at risk in a single sentence.

I doubt he’ll be invited to many Whitehall Christmas parties this year. Incidentally I’ve just typed ‘Shitehall’ genuinely by mistake, I’m surprised Keir’s speech writer didn’t include that gem.

I’m not for one moment arguing against the principle of his proposition. The numbers speak for themselves. A massive rise in Civil Service numbers to deal with Brexit and the pandemic never reduced. As of September last year there were over 515,000 FTEs, up nearly 19,000 on a year ago. At the time of the Brexit vote there were 384,000!

The problem is that Starmer knows if he wants to eliminate bureaucracy, reduce numbers and create a lean, focused, progressive Civil Service, his weapon of choice has to be a sledgehammer. He has nothing else available to him.

But it won’t work. Why? Because the approach to the challenge is entirely a negative one. It’s based on deep cuts, negative statements, direct attacks, where every civil servant is tarred with the same brush. It will almost certainly be applied randomly and may well involve some settling of old scores. Are all 515,000 of these civil servants bloated, flabby, unfocused and overcautious? Of course not. There will be many who are doing a brilliant job, delivering solutions, making a difference, achieving results. How they must already scream at bureaucracy and waste. But today the broad brush will have ensured they feel demotivated, angry and unfairly treated. It also can’t be much fun telling people at dinner parties where you work.

Starmer might succeed in using the sledgehammer to cut the numbers, although as sure as eggs are eggs they’ll creep back up as soon as his attention moves elsewhere, which, of course, it will, he’s got one hell of an in tray.

Once the dust has settled (sledgehammers create an enormous amount of dust), what will be left is a shell-shocked smaller group of people, still with its fair share of poor performers, having lost good people along the way, overwhelmed with work, demotivated and bruised.

Reading that back, this is Starmer (like Musk) playing the role of disruptor in Chief. I’ve got no problem with disruptors, every organisation needs them, but it only works if, after the chaos, something better than before emerges.

I’ve had some experience in these scenarios, obviously in a much smaller organisation, back in my corporate days, and it’s not something I’m remotely proud of. I’m still left with an uneasy feeling whenever I think back.

This organisation’s board decided, as they do, that financial performance was unacceptable and urgent deep cut action was necessary. I think the reduction required was 20% of the central cost base. My boss, one of those board members, handed me his sledgehammer, and told me to join with the accountant nominated by the Finance Director, and come back with the plan (it became known as ‘Plan B’ for some reason) within one week with a proposal for a slimmed down central resource, with 20% of costs removed. The Accountant, who had been given an even bigger sledgehammer than mine, and I retired to a meeting room, blacked out the windows, and went to work sealing people’s fate.

It was terrible, we were using the most blunt tool available, felt unable to argue back about the exercise we had been given, picked up red pens and went chopping. We cut whole teams and departments, with no consultation, based on hierarchical structure charts provided by HR. I admit there were decisions taken based on old scores and closed mindsets. I referred back to my boss just once, could I touch the Board Members chauffeur’s? The answer came back within minutes, absolutely not, they are off limits. Besides cutting jobs we also cancelled various projects and activities.

The following Friday we presented back to the board. A clear, concise plan to remove 20% of the cost base by year end, giving the full benefit in the following year. The board were delighted, they approved the proposal within minutes, there was no reference to the impact on their people. They left for home in their chauffeur driven cars, congratulating themselves on a productive day’s work.

The next couple of weeks were fascinating. By Monday morning everyone knew what was happening, thanks to the chauffeurs in Rumour and Gossip Central. Work was abandoned as everyone gathered around coffee machines and water coolers, small groups sharing information gleaned with the intensity of kitchen talk in The Traitors.

Later that same day the lobbying began in earnest. Senior managers persuading their board members that, although they of course agreed with the need for cost reduction it couldn’t possibly include their people, or how they whole-heartedly agreed with the need to cease certain projects, it couldn’t be theirs, which was business critical.

Soon there was a queue outside the CEOs office as exemption cases were pleaded. By the end of the day the 20% savings plan was running at around 7%. Sir Humprey would have been impressed.

The final card took a little longer to play. Several people did leave the business, but they hardly had time to bank their generous redundancy cheques before they began to reappear. Some came back as self-employed consultants on a higher daily rate than their previous salary, while others were employed directly by business units, outside the scope of Plan B.

If that level of creativity had been focused on the business, profits and market share would have soared!

I’m certainly not proud of my complicit involvement but these were different times, the ‘command and control’ culture dominated and I had never heard of the term ‘authentic leadership.’ Maybe I should have pushed back on the brief I was given, I suspect that the outcome would have involved me falling on my sword. I guess the penny did click that I needed to leave, two years later the opportunity arose and I’ve never looked back.

Back to Starmer and the civil service. The issue for me is clear. The sledgehammer will reduce headcount. It’s part of what the PM is wanting to deliver. But it will be totally ineffective at improving what remains, creating a fit for purpose, fast moving, forward looking slimmed down machine, focused on delivery.

As they say you can’t just plan to win a war, you must have a peace plan as well. The civil service must retain it’s many great people and motivate them. They need to be praised, recognised, rewarded, nurtured and developed.

And what about the under performers left behind?

On the day of the announcement Nicky Campbell focused his morning phone in on the issue. The first text he read out, sent anonymously, summed it all up for me. I paraphrase,

‘The issue in the civil service is that those people who are underperforming are never held to account. Nobody is ever sacked. Managers duck difficult conversations. Instead underperformers are moved to other teams. That way the manager gets rid of the problem by passing i on.’

Sounds familiar? It sure does to me. I have had this conversation with CEOs, senior managers and HR professionals in the public sector and in charities far too many times. At worst I’m told that nobody is ever dismissed, ‘it’s not what we do round here.’ It also becomes clear that there’s no culture of accountability, having difficult conversations, 1-1s or meaningful performance reviews. Poor results and poor behaviour are tolerated, ‘it’s just Harry, he’s always been like that, don’t worry, he’s due to retire in five years!’

What’s missing most of all in the civil service? The NHS as well. Leadership (of course). Authentic, effective, brave leaders, who lead by inspiring and enabling, but never duck a difficult conversation, hold under performers accountable, take firm but values-led action, are not afraid to lose the wrong people on the bus, and alongside that embrace and nurture the great performers.

So go win your war PM, but please win the peace as well. Put building leadership capability and capacity at the top of the agenda.

How, in any organisation, can you ensure leaders get the right people on the bus and create high performance cultures?

We need tool boxes with other options apart from sledgehammers.

Next time we’ll open that tool box.

***

Barry Dore

10 March 2025

A delightful lunch, stellar careers based on authentic leadership and observations from International Women’s Day.

One of the good things about being in your late sixties (and there are some) is that you have a lot of history. Your life experiences began in the middle of the last century. Think back and then fast forward through the decades by imagining a set of photos. You’ll see good things, happy times, sad days, challenges and achievements.

Your working set may well include various jobs, promotions, setbacks, good leaders, bad bosses, stressful times, working and laughing with colleagues.

In the home set you may find school, university, marriage, children, illness, travel, holidays, special times, difficult times.

Sometimes it’s good to take time to revisit, remember and to celebrate some of those good times. Last Friday I dd exactly that, meeting up with two ex-work colleagues for a highly enjoyable lunch. Over a couple of hours we caught up on the years working together and since, put things right in our old company, our industry (pubs and the drinks business), and the world and perhaps most important of all, revisited so many funny moments we had enjoyed together.

Both David and Andy have had stellar careers. Andy, now 60, spent his early days in Bass, ran a Coca-Cola business unit, was part of the turnaround team at Punch Taverns, and ran his own consultancy business before joining SIBA (the Small & Independent Brewers Association) as its CEO. Slightly older, David also began in Bass, then also joined Coca-Cola, moving with the company to Australia where he held further senior roles. He moved on to MD roles at Diageo and Campari, and is currently on a career break before returning to Australia.

What was so good though was turning the clock back over 30 years to when I first met them, young twenty-somethings anxious to make their mark. Andy worked for me for a couple of years managing a group of pubs in and near Walsall, he came across as determined, positive and having a great sense of humour. David turned up on a graduate recruitment day, his confidence and whole demeanour standing him out from the crowd.

As lunch continued we turned (inevitably) to the subject of leadership. They were both joining a company steeped in hierarchical, autocratic leadership. Even back then, when the whole UK management culture had not changed since the industrial revolution, Bass stood out as one of the worst. I had experienced this environment for three years already, and in my own small way was trying to act differently with my own team. In my interactions with Andy and Dave in those early couple of years, I tried to role model with them that there was an alternative to command and control. Instead, if we could build people up, by developing trust, inspiring and enabling them, being consistent, collaborative and authentic leaders, we could get far more from our people than those authoritarian regimes ever could.

Here's the magic. As we chatted it became clear those early demonstrations stuck, both Andy and David developed their careers, taking on bigger and bigger roles, and wherever they went they built high performance cultures by being authentic, building high levels of trust and inspiring and enabling those around them.

They were leading like Mary many years before she was born!

Let’s focus on the key point. They didn’t lead this way because it was much more rewarding than shouting all the time, they didn’t lead this way for a quieter life, they led this way because it delivered a step change in performance and results.

To quote David’s opening line of his LinkedIn profile,

‘My leadership principles, values and grounded style has consistently created an environment of high trust, collaboration, innovation and growth.’

Saturday was International Women’s Day, and this year’s theme was Rights, Equality, Empowerment. In a recent blog wrote about women in the ultimate leadership roles, as heads of nations, focusing on the approach Jacinda Ardern took as PM of New Zealand. Let’s move down the list a little and enter the world of work in the UK. I repeat the assertion that it’s essential for women to continue to take more and more senior roles in companies and other organisations, including representation at Board level (although there are improvements, I was reading today that over 4 out of 10 people n FTSE 100 board are now women. Such statistics need to be replicated at every managerial level, amongst other reason to ensure the routes to the board room are signposted and achievable.

My focus on this area remains driven by my honest view that women make better leaders than men in so many organisations. If you read my stuff regularly you’ll know why, but just to re-enforce my views it’s because I think women are much more naturally authentic leaders than men, having far less ego than men, and because they are far better listeners, and have so much more empathy and emotional intelligence, while being equally determined to deliver results. The difference being they want to deliver the right results in the right way.

Of course it’s a generalisation, it comes primarily from my gut, and there are countless exceptions to the rule, Davind and Andy being two, but it’s backed up by 25 years of observations.

I would just add that not having too many men’s testosterone levels is a great help.

There you go, there’s one to argue over the breakfast table!

***

Barry Dore

3 March 2025

The wisdom of a Buddhist forest monk.

I’m just reading a fascinating book called ‘I May Be Wrong’ by Bjorn Natthiko Lindeblad.

Bjorn, as his name suggests, is Swedish. Highly intelligent he was persuaded by his father to study economics at university, he then fell in to a graduate role working as an economist. He climbed swiftly through the ranks and at the age of 26 was in a senior role for a Swedish company, based in Spain.

But his heart was never in it, he didn’t care much about economics. The straw that broke this particular camel’s back was being told repeatedly his role existed to maximise value (i.e. make money) for shareholders. As he did not know these shareholders and had no interest in working just to feather someone’s nest he decided to quit, with no real plans for what next.

There are close parallels with my story at this point, but this is where we diverge. While I set up my own business, immersed myself in the principles and practices of leadership and wrote a couple of leadership books, he decided to become a forest monk in Thailand.

I do sense we both made the right decision for ourselves!

He was given the name Natthiko by the monks, which means ‘one who grows in wisdom.’ Over the next seventeen years he threw himself completely into the life of a forest monk, giving up all possessions and all money, becoming celibate, having no access to computers, television or novels, collecting any food they could using alms bowls, and spending a significant part of each day (and night) meditating, or at least trying to.

To cut out the middle part of the book, which is well worth reading, an insight into the life of a forest monk, with, as you’d expect, a bucket full of stories and wisdom picked up along the way. There’s also a fair amount of humour in the book, not least the challenge of focusing their thoughts on meditation while a group of Thai Air stewardesses were visiting!

After seventeen years he was meditating one day and a thought popped into his mind, it was time to go home. Soon after returning to Sweden, where he had become something of a celebrity, he was interviewed by a journalist who asked him the question ‘what is the most important thing you learned during your seventeen years as a Buddhist forest monk?’ After much deliberation he came up with the answer, ‘that I may be wrong.’

‘I may be wrong.’ In just four words he articulated the very essence of what authentic leadership is about far more eloquently than the many paragraphs I and many others might write.

Think about this. An autocratic leader, gaining their ‘right’ to lead because of the position they hold not the person they are. People follow them because of the position they hold, not because they want to. An autocratic leader is high in ego and low in humility so why would they ever think they might be wrong. Even if there is self-doubt they will ignore it, admitting they could be wrong would be, in their view, a sign of weakness. Imagine Bill from ‘Lead Like Mary’ admitting they were wrong. It doesn’t happen.

Let’s go to the extreme. Imagine Donald Trump ever believing, let alone sharing, that he could be wrong. Unthinkable.

An authentic leader is different. They are always willing to admit, to themselves and others, that they might be wrong. Being low in ego and high in humility gives them the strength to do so. I use that word carefully, there is nothing stronger than the ability and wiliness to admit you might be wrong.

Focus on the words, ‘might’ be wrong. This is not suggesting they are wrong, but that step back, that moment of reflection, the willingness to listen to others, to listen to themselves, to seek advice before finalising a decision, are all examples of how an authentic leader e could

‘I might be wrong’ is shorthand for a grounding principle of authentic leadership. Featured in ‘Lead Like Mary’, it’s the willingness of authentic leaders to challenge beliefs, both other people’s and our own. It relates back to a Stephen Covey model which demonstrates that our beliefs determine how we act and behave, and how we act and behave determines the results we get. Equally other people’s beliefs follow the same model. If we want to change, to improve, the results we get we can only do so when we change our beliefs. The model manifests itself in countless examples, both inside and outside work.

Here’s the link. We cannot change our beliefs unless we first accept that we might be wrong. Which is why our friend Bill, the autocratic leader, cannot make progress. Let’s bring it to life. Bill is frustrated because his results are poor. He blames his team, his boss, his colleagues, his customers, the market, the weather, the price of fish and anything else he can think of. Stuck in his paradigm he pushes his team even harder, promising dark consequences if they don’t improve without him believing for a moment that he could be the problem.

If we can’t accept we might be wrong, we can’t challenge our beliefs. If we can’t challenge our beliefs we won’t change our actions and behaviours. If they don’t change our results never will. We are stuck in a doom loop.

Authentic leaders understand this. Saying we might be wrong is in no shape or form weak. It takes courage to do so, but we cannot lead effectively without doing so.

I’m writing this as I catch up with the extraordinary scenes as Trump and Vance meet Zelensky at the White House. I’m not seeing a lot of ‘I might be wrong’ here. I wonder if Trump fancies seventeen years as a forest monk in Thailand? It could be a neat solution to a growing crisis.

***

Barry Dore

24 February 2025

A tale of three pantomimes.

Okay, I know you are desperate to hear news of the village pantomime. Be patient, It’s been the most surreal of weeks, a series of pantomimes in many different guises, and I’ve a couple of leadership observations to take from those first.

Each year I return to talking about the The Apprentice. People scoff at my love of this show but I find it compelling as each year a bunch of ego driven, arrogant, obnoxious, know-all arses compete to see who is the worst leader. As aways I understand the show is meant to entertain, the whole thing is so cleverly edited from many hours of filming, but the incompetence of each of them in taking the correct business decisions as thew various task unfold is breathtaking. Even worse is the leadership on show. It’s either completely absent or dogmatic in a way that makes ‘Lead Lie Mary’s’ Bill seem like an old softy.

Take the latest episode of the current series. There’s a woman called Nadia. Her business success to date appears, on paper at least, to be veryimpressive. At 36 she’s apparently the owner of a chain of hair salons with a clientele list of celebrity regulars. Whether that’s all true or not we’ll never know as it was no shock when Lord Sugar delivered his quickest ever firing following her abysmal performance as project leader in the latest task.

What scared me was her view of what a leader is and how to best delivers results. The task isn’t particularly important, it was based on creating a street food lunch time offer using potatoes as the main feature of the dish. Nadia proposed Bangers and Mash. Everybody else argued that sausage and mash was too expensive a cost price and therefore selling price, and was too big a meal for street food. Their unanimous view was to go with loaded potato skins, easier to prepare at a fraction of the cost.

Nadia would have none of it, I paraphrase her exact words, but it was along the lines of ‘I’m the leader and what I say goes.’ She was not remotely interested in everyone else’s arguments and rode roughshod over them. Her ego got in the way of her listening and accepting she might be wrong. The others were, of course, proved right, the task actually lost money and moments later Nadia was on her way home.

I have no reason to doubt Nadia’s business is successful. I wonder how many people she trod on on the way?

What I find most distressing is that this view of how to lead can still exist in 21st Century UK. For goodness sake have we not learned our lesson that Command and Control leadership has had its time? Authentic leadership is the only way forward. An authentic leader, devoid of ego, would have listened to other views. She would have clarified understanding, questioned, and only then made a decision. In this case I am certain it would be to go with the loaded potato skins.

Across the water another pantomime is developing which dwarfs all others. Musk and his Federal Employee Obliteration Team are going full throttle with the enthusiastic approval of President Trump.

Apparently there are 2.3 million full time federal employees in the USA (or there were). That may well be a bloated number, but the blunt instrument Musk is employing (no pun intended) is extraordinary. Some have already proved to be potentially cataclysmic. They sacked the entire department responsible for checking safety standards at nuclear plants, then realising what they’d done, frantically sort to re-employ them. Unfortunately, no-one knew their email addresses!

Trump’s pet hate is the idea of people working from home. This hangover from the pandemic has revolutionised working practices, undoubtedly for the better. Trump wiil have none of it, in a speech last week he once again claimed these people are not working or indeed have second jobs.

Best of all is the latest initiative, asking millions of people to reply to an email listing 5 things they accomplished last week. Another Musk idea. I have no doubt that whatever form of AI checks the replies, words like ‘MAGA’, we love Trump, and sacking people, will score maximum points.

I cannot imagine this happening in the UK. Just think of the reaction if it was Starmer taking these steps with the Civil Service. There would be mayhem, and the country would grind to a halt. I can only suspect that will happen in USA as well, I am sure Musk will be reigned in at some point. There are many ways to crack a nut, and a sledgehammer is rarely effective.

It’s a sure thing that at some point, Trump and Musk will fall out. The most likely moment will be when Trump feels he is being eclipsed by Musk.

I leave you with one horrendous thought… January 2029, President Musk’s inauguration.

A lifetime away from the Whitehouse, in the tiny village of Fradswell, 60+ people crowded into the Village Hall to watch the Fradswell Players present Cinderella, a Village Panto.

It was amazing! 44 days of hard work by the whole cast and support team, paid off in spades. The cast and audience bounced off each other superbly. Every one of the cast out-performed all expectations. The audience loved it, we have received so many positive comments!

My role on the night, as prompter, was redundant. If you want to have a look at the whole thing, you can view it here…

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M03RfHZtqS4

We finished on an absolute high, the after-show party running late into the night, and followed next day by an after-show, after-show party!

From herding cats to a flawless execution by an amazing group of people. I could not be more proud.

***

Barry Dore

17 February 2025

Where it all began, fantasy mayhem and harvesting olives.

Lindsay, my daughter in Australia, has invested in one of those projects where you compile the memories, thoughts and experiences of a loved one and these are turned into (and I quote) ‘a beautiful keepsake book.’

I have heard of a number of bad experiences with some companies operating in this marketplace, where emotional pressure is later used to extract further sums of money, but Lindsay is a smart cookie and I trust she has made a good choice.

It’s certainly been fascinating and thought provoking. Each week for a year Lindsay submits a question, which is emailed to me. I write a response, how much I write is not regulated but I’ve been focusing on 750-1000 words as a guide. We both thinks this is necessary to ensure sufficient depth in the answer. I’m about 30 questions in now, am running a little behind, I’m really enjoying the experience. The questions challenge me to reflect and think, on occasions they challenge my beliefs, and have triggered some emotional moments.

The questions are many and varied. They range from the more gentle, such as

‘What is the one of the most memorable camping trips you have ever been on?’ (trying to put up our tent in a Northumbrian gale)

‘What are your favourite movies?’ (‘Yesterday’ and ‘Skyfall’)

‘What is one of your favourite children’s stories?’ (The Cat in the Hat)

To the much deeper ones, including

‘Take 10 minutes and outline your life story, from childhood to the present.’

‘If you could wake up with one superpower, what would it be and why?’

‘What things are you proudest of in your life?’

One popped up the other day which caused me to stop and reflect, ‘what habits have you successfully changed or added over the years?’ Then the penny dropped. It all came down to one experience which radically changed my habits and indeed my life. An experience which undoubtedly made me a better person.

Where’s the link to leadership? It’ll become clear in a few moments. This was when I finally understood I was a leader and that leading in the right way can change the world. From that day I began a journey of discovery and teaching which continues to this day.

Here’s what I wrote, with minor amendments to ensure it makes sense.

‘I’m going to focus on one experience which changed so much of my life for the better. It’s a perfect summary of learning new habits and changing habits.

In early 2000 one of the senior leaders in my company invited me to attend a ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’ three-day workshop. It seemed such an opportunity, he had invested a large amount of money in the development of people in his part of the business, and the 7 Habits was a core programme. My side of the business, with two ‘Bills’ at the helm, had invested nothing.

As an aside I wish I had known then what I know now. I doubt if I’d have stayed long in the company, but I sure would have argued the case for leadership development.

The programme was held in a hotel on the outskirts of Nottingham. The facilitator was Derek Small, who later became a role model for me. The senior leader was certainly getting his money’s worth, there must have been 25-30 people sat in a large circle.

Anyway, for three days I just let the material run over me. I treated the experience as a gift. It didn’t all make sense at the time, it takes a while for the common sense of each habit and the challenge of its consistent application to sink in. But I emerged knowing I had experienced something that had the potential to be life changing.

It’s important to understand this was a time when I was at a crossroads in my life. I needed something I could grab hold of to give me structure, clarity and direction. It had been over three years since I had been widowed, during which I was aware elements of my life had slipped out of control.

Here’s an explanation of each of the 7 Habits, together with some reflections on the difference they have made for me.

Habit 1: Be Pro-active.

Covey published the 7 Habits over 35 years ago. Because each habit is rooted in deep lying principle of effectiveness they are timeless, nevertheless I have always struggled with the title of this first habit. What it means is a lot more straightforward. It simply means that we are always free to choose, whatever the circumstances, and are responsible for the choices that we make.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind.

This habit states that everything we do can be created twice, we first create a picture of what we want the outcome of something to be, and then we deliver that outcome. The principle is that if we have a clear picture of what we want to achieve, the chances of successful execution will greatly increase. The span of this habit is massive, covering everything from a meeting you’re attending to a life plan.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

This habit is about managing our time effectively, ensuring we focus on first doing things that are not only urgent but important to us as well. It’s about organising our hours, days, weeks, years by being clear on what our most important things are and effectively planning to ensure we deliver them.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

This habit is underpinned by the principle that long-term, highly effective relationships require mutual respect and mutual benefit. It means that the best possible sustainable outcomes occur when both sides are seen to have won. This habit is about effective and genuine collaboration, working together to seek great solutions for all parties.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand

This proposes that in any interaction it is crucial that we understand the other party if we are to make progress, and that understanding only happens when we learn to listen effectively. It introduces the concept of empathic listening, when we truly do listen to understand, ensuring that we focus solely on the other person, and do not slip into running what we hear through our own beliefs and experiences.

Habit 6: Synergise

I have always found this habit difficult to articulate, but the proposition is that consistent application of the other habits can lead to an experience with others where the whole becomes greater the some of the parts. If people consistently work together in an atmosphere of trust, respect, clarity, mutual benefit and understanding they are capable of delivering extraordinary results.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

This is the habit of personal well-being. If we are’t the best version of ourselves we cannot effectively deliver for others. You can’ t drink from an empty cup. Covey argues that renewing ourselves physically, mentally, socially and spiritually, sharpening our saw, must become a daily activity.

I felt very strange as I left the hotel that third day. It’s difficult to articulate but I was aware that I had just experienced something with deep meaning. If that sounds evangelical I apologise but it kind of did. Over the next few days and weeks I thought more and more about these habits, re-read my notes from the programme and searched on line, finding masses of further information about the habits.

What emerged was an understanding that I had been given a special gift that could provide me with just the framework I needed to underpin my determination to change aspects of my life.

Building that understanding was, of course, the easy bit. The hard bit was applying that understanding, beginning to live my life in line with these habits.

Looking back some twenty-five years later I know I am a far better person. A large part of that has been due to Jakkie, who is an incredible person and has given me so much, but a significant part is also because of these 7 Habits. In some shape or form I think about them every day. I’m far from perfect but understanding and applying each habit makes such a difference.

Those three days inspired me so much that I went on to become an associate facilitator for Covey’s organisation, teaching the habits to others, copying many of the facilitation techniques I had observed Derek Small using so effectively, and twenty odd years running my own business exploring and teaching leadership including publishing three leadership books. I still get that burst of pride when someone’s eyes light up as they experience the same moment of clarity and understanding as I did all those years ago.

Like millions of other football fans the world over there’s been many a time when I’ve been convinced I could do a better job the head coach/manager of the team I support. Football management is such a transient business, managers are branded failures and sacked seemingly every day then pop up as the new Messiah at another club within a few weeks. Imagine that scenario in any other business.

It's such a revolving door at some clubs that there can be three or four changes a season. My mate Andy, a die in the wool Stoke City fan has applied for the manager’s job every time it comes up, with no luck so far!

It really can’t be that hard managing a football club, can it? Well yes if the Fantasy Premier League is anything to go by. This seems to me to be a massive undertaking on the part of the organisers. There are 11,313,819 players worldwide, and I’m doing okay-just. For the record I am sitting In place 3,093,649.

That, unfortunately, does not set my fires burning, it’s hardly motivating to be striving for a final league place of say, 2,938,472. Only your mother remembers who came 2,938,472th! Fear not though, because this enormous number of people form much smaller leagues consisting of friends or workmates. My sub league consists of just eleven teams, including Lindsay, her husband Danny, my son Alex, and their friends, all Australian based, ex Brits who all still focus closely on football back home.’

Against all my expectations I am currently fourth, doing much better than the last two years, with top three ambitions. But, my goodness, it’s competitive!. Alex admits that playing is like having a second job, he spends many hours every week studying form, statistics and predictions.

My problem is I struggle to keep abreast of the latest initiatives and developments, along with the technical nous to enable me to action them. For example there’s one at the moment where I am able to choose a club manager and score points depending on that manager’s actual results. Sounds simple but you try finding the right buttons to action it! I even forgot the time difference and accidentally called Lindsay in the middle of the night seeking help.

My children always have ben highly competitive, they reckon they get it from me, but I can’t see it. Jakkie is just the opposite (she doesn’t see the point of keeping the score in a football match for example. The first time, many years go, that she spent some time with us all we invited her to join in a game of French cricket. She was shocked that we approached the game with all the intense passion and rivalry of an India v Pakistan World Cup final!

The renovation of our new home is reaching completion. You can tell it’s finally on the home strait as painters replace plasterers and Jakkie and Victoria swap days spent in flooring and wall tiles showrooms (boring) to the colour of tea towels and (alarmingly) cushions.

The garden is finished, and it’s magnificent. Victoria and the landscaping boss have applied incredible creativity and imagination to create an amazing, accessible, peaceful delight. Pride of place in the centre is an olive tree. But not just any tree, one over 100 years old imported from Italy. It’s wonderful. I’m already planning the launch of an entrepreneurial business including stuffed olives and olive oil. Others are seeking to lower my expectations in terms of bountiful harvests from the venerable old girl. We shall see.

It’s pantomime performance week! Will we manage to turn chaos and mayhem into a coherent production? Who knows, but it’ll be fun whatever happens. Look out for a full report next time!

***

Barry Dore

10 February 2025

A different kind of power, humble eating, happy hormones and herding cats.

I’ve just pre-ordered a book that is not due to be published until June. I’m so excited, I’m counting the sleeps. No, it’s not the much anticipated Chris de Burgh’s autobiography (incidentally we’re seeing him in just 21 sleeps).

As an aside I selected an earlier biography of the tiny Irishman as my contribution to Santa’s Secret Sack at our Book Club Christmas. I’m not saying the recipient, my mate Richard the Barman, was underwhelmed, but his look of disappointment could have been nominated for an Academy Award.

So what’s the book? It’s called ‘A Different Kind of Power’ the long-awaited autobiography by Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand. When appointed she was the world’s youngest female head of government and just the second to give birth in office. She challenged the established order of leaders of nations needing to be the ‘strong’, ruthless, authoritarian males such as Trump, Putin, Erdogan, Sulyok et al.

She poses the question what if we could redefine leadership? What if kindness came first? She commanded global respect for her empathic leadership that put people first. There were so many examples of that approach to leadership as she dealt powerfully but compassionately with the 2019 Christchurch Mosque attacks (where she displayed empathy and compassion while introducing swift and sweeping gun control laws (listen up Trump). This was followed by the challenges of a volcanic eruption, a biosecurity incursion and a global pandemic. Alongside this she introduced visionary, new climate change policies and reduced child poverty while juggling first time motherhood.

Jacinda Ardern demonstrated the exact type of leadership I have been advocating and teaching for twenty-five years. Leaders like Mary, leading with conviction, compassion and courage. While I have focused on this approach for everyday leadership everywhere (in organisations, families, friendship groups, schools, communities and voluntary endeavours, Ardern took it to a whole new level- demonstrating that the same principles` can work for heads of nations as well.

I’m looking forward immensely to the book being published.

On the same subject, there was a great post on Facebook recently featuring the leaders of the four Scandinavian nations- Norway, Sweden, Finland and Denmark. They were shown meeting together over a meal to discuss defence. Perfectly reasonable, I hear you say, especially given the importance of geographical location and Putin’s expansionist sabre rattling (as an aside isn’t it interesting that this approach has caught on with our friend President Trump as well, aiming his particular sabre at Canada, Panama and Greenland?)

Thing is, these four leaders weren’t sat in some palace, stateroom or Michelin starred restaurant. Instead the meal took place in one of their homes. This may be a small example but what a wonderful demonstration of humility, more evidence of a different type of leadership.

We are just back from a wonderful week in Lanzarote with friends Bridgette and Colin. I dislike winter at home, dark mornings, dark by 4pm, miserable, cold, damp days, it really doesn’t do it for me. There are compensations; locking the door, settling down with a glass of wine, or with friends (often both), early nights, even achieving our own version of Hygee, but give me the arrival of spring, with its lighter nights, daffodils and new-born lambs any day.

Incidentally, Jakkie has this theory that we should return to our past and hibernate, or at least get of all the clocks and listen to our bodies and sleep when we want to, presumably heavily influenced by the season, and by darkness an daylight. It’s an interesting concept but `I sense the need for regular overnight bathroom visits may be an issue, and telling your boss at the beginning of November that you’ll see them in March may be a step too far.

Back to Lanzarote. Winter sunshine does me the world of good. Cloudless blue skies, several hours of sunshine daily, wandering around in shorts and just feeling the warmth of the sun on my body is a marvellous tonic for me. And that’s before we get on to the all-inclusive drinks and the food.

Best of all though was the time we spent with our friends just chatting and laughing. How important is that! We all know that laughing releases all those endorphins, happy hormones. I probably laughed last week as much as most of the rest of winter.

Back from holiday and straight into pantomime rehearsals! The Fradswell Players will be performing our village pantomime, ‘Cinderella’, in just eleven days! I’m having a ball directing the show. Most of the time. There’s that moment when you lose your main character with just weeks to go. Where did you find a new Cinderella as the clock strikes midnight? Luckily I didn’t have to look far, our undestufy covering every part stepped into the breech. I just hope for no illness on the day.

Besides the Players, we have a great back up teamof enthusiassts who while we were away have been painting scenery, opened and closed the box office (we sold out in three days), sourced costumes, installed spotlights and sold raffle tickets.

And what of the Players, as enthusiastic a group as you could ever meet. Just a bit of work to do on stage positioning, picking up cues and remembering lines. Rehearsals have been a little like herding cats. But it’s coming together and it’s going to be a stormer. Anyway the joy of pantomime is it doesn’t matter, it’s all about the audience, and a cocked up line or two will go down a treat. Within reason….

***

Barry Dore

20 January 2025

Two families to lead, sunshine awaits and a moral dilemma remembered

Those who have sent any time with me will know that two of my most deeply entrenched leadership principles are that anyone can be a leader, and that great leadership is needed everywhere. It’s only through great leadership that we get things done, create a better tomorrow and change the world around us.

So often we think of leadership as something that only happens at work, and indeed only those people at the top of the hierarchy, with the biggest office, can be leaders.

I say again, anyone can be a leader, and can lead in any role at work, but also with friends, in communities, voluntary endeavours, anywhere.

The one I’ve missed out there is leading in your family. Think for a moment, families are so special to us. They’re our nearest and dearest, our flesh and blood, our life partners. Our natural instinct is to care for and protect those people, to nurture them, to be there for them, to watch with pride as our children grow.

We need to play our full role, and the more we take on the role as a leader in our family, the more we will be able to do so. That leadership comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Keeping an eye on how family members are, stepping in with an empathic intervention when you think it is needed. Becoming a truly great listener, taking the time to do so and being non-judgemental. Taking the time to make your partner feel special with simple random acts. Working hard to build and maintain an open, honest and trustworthy relationship with your partner and other family members, built on authenticity and mutual respect. Raising your children, living them solid roots while encouraging them to grow and to fly. Encouraging them to explore the world around them, to be curious and open minded. Teaching them right from wrong. Intervening and holding them to account when necessary. Protect them from bad stuff. You want them to feel safe, you strive to create a happy environment, to have fun, to laugh, to play.

In all aspects of family leadership being a role model for others.

All of us have such an opportunity to become that inspirational role model by leading in our family.

Let’s turn that on its head and return to team or organisational leadership. Think of it in the context of the examples of leading in your family above. In truth aren’t the principles and practices identical? My proposition to you is that leading in the work-place mirrors leading in families.

Your team are your children, you are there to encourage them to grow, to develop them, to build their effectiveness, to ensure they are focused on the right things, to praise them whenever appropriate but also to hold them to account. To build trustworthiness and teamwork. To collaborate with others and to have an open mind. You protect them from unreasonable demands and conflicting priorities. When the time is right you encourage them to take the next step into the world, in this case a new, bigger role. You create a culture where they thrive, have fun, play, where they feel it’s safe stretching themselves, build their level of freedom within a framework.

Other family members are your peers, colleagues, business partners, customers, suppliers. You want to collaborate with them, to build mutually beneficial relationships based on mutual trust and respect.

And, for the sake of this proposition, your partner is your boss! You need to strive to build a constructive relationship with your them based, once more on openness, honesty and trustworthiness. To get to know and understand them to see where you can help them achieve their goals, to work together to build something truly effective.

Isn’t it interesting that Freedom Within a Framework is equally relevant and important in both leadership roles? As a parent we encourage them to play in the garden but not go onto the road, as a leader at work we encourage creativity, and risk taking but always with boundaries that act as a safety net for you and your team.

Many leaders focus on building a sense that their people are part of a family, or portray an organisation that feels like a family in customer interactions. There are some great examples of truly amazing organisations built on this principle. For one of the very best have a look at what legendary head teacher Liz Ormerod has created at Delph Side Primary School in Skelmersdale. You’ll find the chapter in my book ‘Lead! Finding Your Voice in a Chaotic World.’

Jakkie and I are off next week to seek out some winter sunshine in Lanzarote. I’m sure I’m not the only one who dislikes winter in the UK. Especially January, it always seems to be a soulless month. This year’s offering is definitely an improvement on last year, when I spent the complete month in hospital, nevertheless as seemed to be one long slog of strong winds, torrential rain and resultant flooding, not to mention a few days of snow and ice. Said snow is a delight for many, a friend of mine has moved from Ghana to the UK with his family, and nothing could have matched their wonder at seeing snow for the first time, but for me, with my Parkinson’s shuffle, snow and ice is an open invitation to fall and break a few bones or even worse.

Over the years we’ve flirted with Egypt, Australia and the Caribbean but then settled for the Canaries for it’s all year mild climate and guaranteed sunshine. Our last trip to Lanzarote was February 2000, as we returned home the world shut down.

There’s just a chance that seasoned followers of my Facebook posts and blogging may remember that on that break I was faced with a deep moral dilemma. One that still haunts me to this day. We were there with friends, and on the first day we were disappointed to discover our booking did not include lunches each day. The prospect of having to get from breakfast to dinner with no free food in between was quite devastating. How would we cope?

On the second day we received an invite from Bridgette, half of the aforementioned friends, invited us to their room for lunch. We arrived to find the table groaning under the weight of a magnificent spread. I was so impressed, she must have been out shopping all morning. Then I realised that the food was very familiar, these were identical to the items we had consumed at breakfast just three hours earlier.

Under my laser like questions, accompanied by the glare of a table lamp, Bridgette confessed. These items had unbelievably been removed from the dining room at breakfast. This despite the fact there were clear signs adorning the walls of the dining room forbidding the removal of even a single olive or bread roll. I was in shock, Bridgette is a fine upstanding woman, a pillar of our Fradswell Community, back home an exemplar of moral fortitude. Even worse here she was, grinning from ear to ear, actually proud of her blatant disregard of the rules.

My immediate incline was to report her to management. Senior management. But what if she was taken in for questioning, thrown into a cell with no sunlight. A holiday ruined, she loves a good suntan does Bridgette. I also sensed it might harm our relationship or at the very least put a strain on it, particularly if we had to fly home without her.

What’s more I realised, with my mouth full of fresh fruit (now that was impressive, how had she smuggled whole water melon out of breakfast), that I was now her partner in crime. With every bite of a peach and munch of a nectarine, I was literally receiving stolen goods. In horror I imagined that Spain, a mecca for tourists, most likely had a law forbidding the removal of breakfast items, I imagined years ahead spent languishing in a notorious Spanish jail, a part of a press gang, chained together, breaking rocks on Lanzarote (and there’s a lot of them). Above all surely her actions were morally wrong.

With our relationship pushed to the very limits, I took the high road and withdrew my objections. A risky business, and each day I imagined Spanish commandos bursting through the door to drag me away, but our continued friendship took precedence. Somewhat swung by a rather excellent Rioja Bridgette had somehow purloined from its position next to the cold meats and cheeses.

By the end of the week I was ready to enter the fray. After much dilemma I chose a banana. Putting it under a jacket I was carrying I headed for the door. To this day I thought I looked innocent, nonchalantly throwing in a few Spanish words to prove my competence in the language. The head waiter held out his hand, said ‘give to me.’ I sheepishly did as I was told.

This year we have booked all inclusive. Which is both a relief and a shame.

See you on the other side.