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Leadership & Life   

 

 

Barry Dore

20 January 2025

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Two families to lead, sunshine awaits and a moral dilemma remembered

 

Those who have sent any time with me will know that two of my most deeply entrenched leadership principles are that anyone can be a leader, and that great leadership is needed everywhere. It’s only through great leadership that we get things done, create a better tomorrow and change the world around us.

 

So often we think of leadership as something that only happens at work, and indeed only those people at the top of the hierarchy, with the biggest office, can be leaders.

 

I say again, anyone can be a leader, and can lead in any role at work, but also with friends, in communities, voluntary endeavours, anywhere.

 

The one I’ve missed out there is leading in your family. Think for a moment, families are so special to us.  They’re our nearest and dearest, our flesh and blood, our life partners.  Our natural instinct is to care for and protect those people, to nurture them, to be there for them, to watch with pride as our children grow.

 

We need to play our full role, and the more we take on the role as a leader in our family, the more we will be able to do so.  That leadership comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  Keeping an eye on how family members are, stepping in with an empathic intervention when you think it is needed.  Becoming a truly great listener, taking the time to do so and being non-judgemental. Taking the time to make your partner feel special with simple random acts. Working hard to build and maintain an open, honest and trustworthy relationship with your partner and other family members, built on authenticity and mutual respect. Raising your children, living them solid roots while encouraging them to grow and to fly. Encouraging them to explore the world around them, to be curious and open minded.  Teaching them right from wrong.  Intervening and holding them to account when necessary. Protect them from bad stuff.  You want them to feel safe, you strive to create a happy environment, to have fun, to laugh, to play.

 

 In all aspects of family leadership being a role model for others.

 

All of us have such an opportunity to become that inspirational role model by leading in our family.

 

Let’s turn that on its head and return to team or organisational leadership.  Think of it in the context of the examples of leading in your family above. In truth aren’t the principles and practices identical?  My proposition to you is that leading in the work-place mirrors leading in families.

 

Your team are your children, you are there to encourage them to grow, to develop them, to build their effectiveness, to ensure they are focused on the right things, to praise them whenever appropriate but also to hold them to account. To build trustworthiness and teamwork.  To collaborate with others and to have an open mind.  You protect them from unreasonable demands and conflicting priorities.  When the time is right you encourage them to take the next step into the world, in this case a new, bigger role. You create a culture where they thrive, have fun, play, where they feel it’s safe stretching themselves, build their level of freedom within a framework.

 

Other family members are your peers, colleagues, business partners, customers, suppliers. You want to collaborate with them, to build mutually beneficial relationships based on mutual trust and respect.

 

And, for the sake of this proposition, your partner is your boss! You need to strive to build a constructive relationship with your them based, once more on openness, honesty and trustworthiness. To get to know and understand them to see where you can help them achieve their goals, to work together to build something truly effective.

 

Isn’t it interesting that Freedom Within a Framework is equally relevant and important in both leadership roles?  As a parent we encourage them to play in the garden but not go onto the road, as a leader at work we encourage creativity, and risk taking but always with boundaries that act as a safety net for you and your team.

 

Many leaders focus on building a sense that their people are part of a family, or portray an organisation that feels like a family in customer interactions.  There are some great examples of truly amazing organisations built on this principle. For one of the very best have a look at what legendary head teacher Liz Ormerod has created at Delph Side Primary School in Skelmersdale.  You’ll find the chapter in my book ‘Lead! Finding Your Voice in a Chaotic World.’

 

 

Jakkie and I are off next week to seek out some winter sunshine in Lanzarote.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who dislikes winter in the UK. Especially January, it always seems to be a soulless month.  This year’s offering is definitely an improvement on last year, when I spent the complete month in hospital, nevertheless as seemed to be one long slog of strong winds, torrential rain and resultant flooding, not to mention a few days of snow and ice. Said snow is a delight for many, a friend of mine has moved from Ghana to the UK with his family, and nothing could have matched their wonder at seeing snow for the first time, but for me, with my Parkinson’s shuffle, snow and ice is an open invitation to fall and break a few bones or even worse.

 

Over the years we’ve flirted with Egypt, Australia and the Caribbean but then settled for the Canaries for it’s all year mild climate and guaranteed sunshine. Our last trip to Lanzarote was February 2000, as we returned home the world shut down.  

 

There’s just a chance that seasoned followers of my Facebook posts and blogging may remember that on that break I was faced with a deep moral dilemma. One that still haunts me to this day.  We were there with friends, and on the first day we were disappointed to discover our booking did not include lunches each day.  The prospect of having to get from breakfast to dinner with no free food in between was quite devastating.  How would we cope?

 

On the second day we received an invite from Bridgette, half of the aforementioned friends, invited us to their room for lunch.  We arrived to find the table groaning under the weight of a magnificent spread. I was so impressed, she must have been out shopping all morning.  Then I realised that the food was very familiar, these were identical to the items we had consumed at breakfast just three hours earlier.

 

Under my laser like questions, accompanied by the glare of a table lamp, Bridgette confessed.  These items had unbelievably been removed from the dining room at breakfast.  This despite the fact there were clear signs adorning the walls of the dining room forbidding the removal of even a single olive or bread roll.  I was in shock, Bridgette is a fine upstanding woman, a pillar of our Fradswell Community, back home an exemplar of moral fortitude. Even worse here she was, grinning from ear to ear, actually proud of her blatant disregard of the rules.

 

My immediate incline was to report her to management. Senior management.  But what if she was taken in for questioning, thrown into a cell with no sunlight. A holiday ruined, she loves a good suntan does Bridgette. I also sensed it might harm our relationship or at the very least put a strain on it, particularly if we had to fly home without her.

 

What’s more I realised, with my mouth full of fresh fruit (now that was impressive, how had she smuggled whole water melon out of breakfast), that I was now her partner in crime. With every bite of a peach and munch of a nectarine, I was literally receiving stolen goods. In horror I imagined that Spain, a mecca for tourists, most likely had a law forbidding the removal of breakfast items, I imagined years ahead spent languishing in a notorious Spanish jail, a part of a press gang, chained together, breaking rocks on Lanzarote (and there’s a lot of them). Above all surely her actions were morally wrong.

 

With our relationship pushed to the very limits, I took the high road and withdrew my objections.  A risky business, and each day I imagined Spanish commandos bursting through the door to drag me away, but our continued friendship took precedence.  Somewhat swung by a rather excellent Rioja Bridgette had somehow purloined from its position next to the cold meats and cheeses.

 

By the end of the week I was ready to enter the fray. After much dilemma I chose a banana.  Putting it under a jacket I was carrying I headed for the door.  To this day I thought I looked innocent, nonchalantly throwing in a few Spanish words to prove my competence in the language.  The head waiter held out his hand, said ‘give to me.’ I sheepishly did as I was told.

 

This year we have booked all inclusive.  Which is both a relief and a shame.

 

See you on the other side.

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